Globe Syndicate
For
release
The
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
TRICKS to Keep The Demented Calm
1st of 2 parts
Question: My father, 77,
has had Alzheimer’s for two years. He is very restless and wanders around all
day, both inside and outside. He loves
flowers and insists on planting a garden each spring. Now he is pestering me to get bulbs so he can
plant them now. But I’m afraid of
leaving him alone outside because he may wander away and get lost.
Question: My mother, 85,
has dementia and is very agitated most of the time. We have live-in help, but we don’t know how
to calm her down. She won’t listen to
whatever we say.
Question: My aunt, 90, is
in a nursing home. She can no longer
talk and refuses to cooperate with the health aide in getting dressed and
bathed. Need ideas to get her to be more
cooperative.
Answer: Alzheimer’s and other
forms of non-reversible dementia are tough to deal with because each situation
is so different. But there are
commonalities. First you need to tap
into the person’s passion and values, likes and dislikes. By tapping into passions (strong interests,
in other words), you acknowledge the person’s wants and concerns and boost the
person’s own self-image. Even the very
demented know what is liked and disliked.
In the
first scenario, flowers are the man’s passion.
If you can’t be there when he is planting or pulling weeds, hire one of
your children or a neighborhood kid to spend time with your father during
planting times, both fall and spring.
Fresh air is very healthy as is the exercise spent in planting.
In the
third scenario, you need to remember what kind of clothes your aunt wore when
she was younger and her favorite colors.
Years ago, a geriatric nurse told me the story of a woman who was
uncontrollable -- until they realized that she was very calm when she had on a
red dress. When younger, the woman wore
lots of red. When they changed her
clothes to bright colors and flowers, she calmed down immediately.
In general, the following can be helpful in calming down
a person who is out of touch with today’s reality.
1. Plants and flowers, because they are living
things, bring much satisfaction to people.
Underneath the dementia is the awareness of life and what is good. Whether actually planting flowers, as in the
first case, or looking at pretty green leaves on plants on the window sill,
people can become very calm and happy.
2. Large picture books, sometimes called coffee table
books that tap into the person’s passion can be very calming. Turning pages and looking at beauty enables a
demented person to enjoy something and keeps the person sitting rather than
wandering. Take the person to a
bookstore, sit him or her down and bring various books for him or her to
see. Watch for interest and then buy a
couple on that subject.
MORE TIPS on how to calm down the agitated demented next week.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
* * *
Do
you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered
individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever
possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct
to her at
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 565 words; other material = 160 words
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