Globe Syndicate
For
release
The Sandwich Generation . . . Helping Your Aging Parents
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
OVERCOME BUMPS IN THE
Question: My mother, 81, can no longer do many of the
simple daily chores because her hands are so swollen with arthritis. Otherwise she is healthy and wants to stay in
her own home. We want to help her.
Answer: There are many simple gadgets that can help
your mother take care of herself.
Cooking and eating utensils have large rubberized handles. Cutting boards have spikes to keep food from
slipping off. A cart on wheels can be
used to move items from the refrigerator to the sink, counter or stove. More items can be moved, thus cutting down
walking time and the possibility that the item will fall from your mother’s
hands. Single level faucets are better
than knobs you have to turn.
Zippers and buttons can be
problematic. Looping a key ring, a large
paper clip or S-hook (from hardware store) through the zipper makes it easier to
pull up or down. A button hook helps
reduce fumbling. Even better are
fashionable clothes with Velcro closures or snap-fronts. Slip-on blouses without zippers or buttons
are preferable. Slacks with elastic
waists are easier to pull on. There are
also sock and shoe gadgets. Specialized
garden tools are available to ease the strain on hands, wrists and back. These gadgets are marvelous holiday presents.
Question: The holidays seem to increase my stress level
and emotional roller coaster. While I take care of my mother, 88, my sister
keeps criticizing me about everything.
So, I am not looking forward to having to host one of the family holiday
parties. My husband says I need to
ignore my sister. What should I do?
Answer: Your husband’s advice is great! As long as you know your mother is being
taken care of appropriately, then lock your sister’s comments in the cellar and
don’t visit.
You need to keep your optimism level
high so that you are happier and have a longer healthier life yourself. Optimism is the belief that good things will
happen to you and that negative events are temporary setbacks to be
overcome. Think of your sister’s
comments as temporary setbacks.
TIPS from the Mayo Clinic Women’s
HealthSource newsletter:
1. Beware of negative
self-talk. Identify the positive aspects
of any situation and pat yourself on the back for a job well done.
2. Find the joy
in your work. In this case, find the joy
in knowing you are taking care of your mother according to your high standards.
3. Surround
yourself with positive upbeat people. Go
out on the town with your husband. Have
one of your children or a neighbor stay with your mother.
4. Deal with
situations that you can control and forget about those you can’t. 5. Each day, write down three positive things
that happened and relive the joy of the positives.
Always remember that a bump in the road is only temporary. And remember my long-held advice: smile or laugh 24 times a day.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
* * *
Do
you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered
individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever
possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct
to her at
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 558 words; other material = 160 words
We would appreciate it if you would include the "Globe Syndicate" bug at the end of the column.