Globe Syndicate
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release
The
by Carol Abaya, M.A.
HOME MUST REMAIN IN ELDER”S
NAME
Question: My parents are in their late
70s. My father’s health isn’t so
good. I want them to give me their house
in case one of them has to go into a nursing home. We went to a lawyer, who told my parents they
should not give me their house. I was
furious and walked out. Why shouldn’t
they give me the house? I’m an only
child.
Answer: Congratulations to that
honest and ethical lawyer! As long as
both or one of your parents is alive, you have no right to their house. They can leave it to you in their Will.
Your
parents worked hard over the years, and the house is probably their biggest
asset. They have a legal and moral right
to control that asset during their life time.
Not being able to control this asset can result
in fear, anxiety, depression and more.
These symptoms can undermine mental and physical health.
The
lawyer is probably aware of gift, capital gains and estate tax implications and
the new 5-year look back period for Medicaid qualifying. Hopefully he explained these factors to your
parents after you stormed out.
Question: My parents
(early 80s) are so stubborn that I end up yelling at them all too often. Now they refuse to listen to me, regardless
of the subject. How can I fix things?
Answer: First and foremost,
apologize for yelling and tell them you love them very much and are concerned
about them. You can do this verbally or
get them a “thinking of you” card. Write
your message so they can see it.
Sometimes people really don’t hear what someone else says. Reading a message often sticks in the mind
better.
Communications
are effective if you pre-decide your objective and tailor the words to meet
your objective. Use neutral toned words
and don’t attack or accuse.
When I
became too protective of my mother, she would yell at me “YOU are going to make
me an old lady!” My answer, “I love you
and want you around for many more years.”
Of course, at that time, she was 90.
ALERT: Positive self-talk makes
the difference in your feelings about self and those for whom you are
caring. So listen.
“The
most influential person who will talk to you all day is you; so you should be
very careful what you say to you!” quoted by Zig Ziglar.
“TO
SAY” TIPS: 1. Today I face
change: I accept the change and I do it
positively.
2. I am responsible for my own happiness. I have
the power to change my life.
3. I am a person with many resources.
4. Every day I can begin again.
5. I claim my happiness now.
6. I feel complete and know I am loved.
7. Today, I know I can achieve anything.
8. Today I will see things clearly.
9. I know I am lovable.
MORE SELF TALK TIPS next year.
Are you juggling doing errands for your aging parents, your children, yourself and working at the same time? Are you tired, stressed out and upset that your once vibrant parent is now frail and needy?
Do you feel alone? Rest assured you are not alone! The Sandwich Generation is dedicated to the 50 million Americans who may have elder/parent care concerns and/or responsibilities.
* * *
Do
you have a question? Send it in. Although letters cannot be answered
individually, appropriate letters will be answered in this column whenever
possible. Letters may be edited. Send letters to Ms. Carol Abaya, mail direct
to her at
Carol Abaya is an international-award-winning journalist and creator of the unique magazine The Sandwich Generation: You & Your Aging Parents.
NOTES TO EDITORS: text = 558 words; other material = 160 words an
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